After Hong Kong, Japan was going to be a hard act to follow I have to admit. Not least of all because I had wild nights out and some great sex. Japan was one of the most highly anticipated locations on my itinerary. I arrived hungover to fuck – never a good way to start, but hey ho. In the long immigration queue I made a new friend, who was coincidentally staying at the very same hostel as me. Tokyo is massive so a very weird coincidence. My trip has been full of these weird coincidences. It makes me feel like my life has been pre designed, or there is such a thing as fate. But anyways, she was from Hong Kong and was really sweet. We travelled to the hostel together and went out for dinner. From the first meal in Japan I knew I was going to love it, amongst other items we got to try such as a Japanese savoury pancake, we also got to cook miso crab ourselves, on a grill right in front of us. It was absolutely delicious. 

I had been super excited to stay in a hostel where you sleep in a pod within a book case! The hostel is called book and bed. Ultra cool. But motherfucking noisy. You might be thinking it was a party hostel. Well you’d be wrong. It’s like a weird, trendy, hipster, Japanese library, where everyone sits around reading the books, and they play edgy lift music until at least midnight and turn it on and again early in the morning. Like 8am. It woke me up and I had to say whoever designed this set up was off their tits. Do Japanese people not sleep is the question it posed for me? What the actual fuck. And noise travelled so easily in these book cases. I’m supposed to be staying there at the end of my trip again but I think I’m going to have cancel after that. 

Look at them man. Reading books till all hours of the morning. I secretly believe after my trip that Japanese people might be robots or aliens. Do you know that the Japanese alphabet contains over 2,000 characters? In case you forgot ours contains 26. Are they supreme beings from another planet, or are they just more advanced humans than us? On the other hand, they don’t take card in some restaurants – not even in MCdonalds. Perhaps a trick to make us forget how advanced they are. Put us off the scent. I mean it threw me off.  How advanced can they possibly be if they don’t take debit card? They are tricky I tell you.

The next day, tired, but excited, I hung out with my new Chinese best friend, visiting a hand made market, shopping for a new jacket (again) and trying local street food. We also ate breakfast in a bakery. So whoever told me Japan doesn’t have a lot of bread was having a laugh. They have bakery’s coming out of their ears. The diet will never begin it seems. We ate dinner in a Chinese restaurant and I quizzed my new bff all about life in Hong Kong. It was our last day together before I started my group trip the next day. 

I was kind of sad to leave her. I picked up slightly however, when I arrived at my new hostel to meet my group. The guy greeting me was a hot black guy with an American accent. He introduced himself as the manager of my tour company in Japan. Then I was introduced to our tour leader. Who was also black.. and American. Thank you Jesus. For all I am about to receive. I may even have sex with them both. Perhaps at the same time. Let the games begin.

Day one of the group trip. So it turns out that we weren’t going to see the manager of the tour company again. But it was an absolute pleasure to meet him. He can come any time. Ahh I’m sorry for the filth. Actually I’m not sorry at all. I’m having the time of my life. Only aids will slow me down. Too far? Regardless, the first day was really fun, visiting a temple, (or perhaps a shrine -I still can’t remember the difference,) eating my body weight in katsu curry and trying on kimonos. I bloody want one. But I just don’t know when I will wear it. The voice inside my head is saying when wouldn’t you wear it Joanna. Buy it. Instead I bought a kimono style jacket that they wear over the top of kimonos. Can’t remember the name of it but I feel extremely Japan in it. I will wear it with jeans to brunch in the UK and feel extremely well travelled.

My tour leader is also lovely and quite hot. Extremely intelligent. An interpreter for a major car company in the US when he’s at home. He helped me order purple sweet potato ice cream in Japanese so he’s now got my heart. That’s not all he’s going to get if I have my way. The next day we visited the biggest fish market in the world, and went to a sushi making class – mine turned out pretty good if you ask me. In the afternoon we visited a maid cafe. Possibly one of the weirdest things I have witnessed. The waitresses dress as maids and speak in garbledy gook. No, I’m not talking about Japanese before you try it. Everyone is made to wear bunny ears. To get their attention you have to shout Meow meow across the room. And they deliver your coffee or ice cream by forcing you to repeat nonsense phrases in a childish voice whilst making heart shapes with your hands. That’s before I even cover the dance routine. Words can’t even describe it. There are no words.  You’ll have to just go one day. I asked my tour leader if the cafe was meant to be a sexual thing. He said it wasn’t but obviously some guys go there to get a kick out of it, indicating to some man who sat alone, possibly unable to stand after the show, on the opposite side of the cafe. A very surreal experience indeed.

But that wasn’t even the half of it. The next day, after playing dress up as a samurai and a Japanese princess in the samurai museum, we went to see a robot show. It was the most mental show I’ve ever seen, although I was expecting it to be from the things I’ve heard. Outlandish costumes, wild colours, fluorescent lights, it was bit like an episode of power rangers on crack, with giant robots and other weird and other wonderful animals. The west end could do with one of these I think. Some of our musicals are getting a bit tired. 

It was at that moment I realised. Japan is fucking awesome. 

That night we had our big night out in Tokyo, going to an all you can drink nightclub that turned out to be literally all night for women and up to a certain time for men. Ha. Wonder why that is. I have struggled to find a Japanese man over the course of the last few days that I find attractive. It’s like the desert out here. The closest I got to a hot man was a market stall owner who sold fish, and even that was pushing it. It’s such a shame as I am really hoping to try every aspect of Japanese culture, wink wink. Luckily I seem to find black men wherever I go. Our tour leader had been taken ill with food poisoning so we were winging it tonight. As soon as we got into the bar I caught eyes with a really hot black guy- the only one in the bar. After an hour or so I got chatting to said man who was French. I love a French accent. He was georgeous and visiting a friend here in Japan. Unfortunately they were moving on to another bar but we swapped numbers. And yes I am thinking how easy and convenient the Eurostar is for a visit to Paris right about now…