Malaysia.  Reunited with my girl Canada at KL airport, after a cheeky Nando’s, (yes they have Nando’s) we boarded a flight to Langawki, which is a small island that is meant to be absolutely beautiful. The guesthouse we were staying in was a small treehouse type eco hostel that’s meant to attract monkeys to your terrace so don’t leave your belongings on the porch! We felt very close to nature but didn’t have the pleasure of seeing any monkeys. The first day on Langkawi we hired a motorbike to explore the island. We had to use my driving license so I took the motorbike out in my name. I have managed to successfully avoid using a motorbike up until this point – but thought I would give it a go. Perhaps that was my biggest mistake. With my girl on the back of the bike I started her up and tried to get my balance, pulling out onto the road and unable to steer, veering onto the opposite side of the road. I desperately tried to steer back to my side of the road, seeing oncoming traffic coming towards me. The man at the shop behind us followed us out onto the street, obviously concerned for the bike’s safety, and perhaps ours – but I doubt it. I put the front brakes on before we hit a parked car and we jolted forward slightly. Oops. I wasn’t supposed to use the front brake. Hmm. This is not going to fly. After a couple of equally concerning attempts, we swapped seats and my girl drove the rest of the time. I don’t think I’m going to be using a bike any time soon. Langkawi was indeed beautiful, we went to see a giant curved bridge on top of a mountain type peak, by cable car, and it was awesome to explore the island whizzing around on a bike, but much better that I wasn’t driving. Safer. To be fair, considering the last time I drove a car I nearly ran over a pedestrian – so the evidence sadly points to not so great driving skills. What the island seemed to be lacking was sausage, or for that matter people full stop. We stayed two nights and couldn’t wait to leave as there just seemed to be nothing happening, but the highlight was definitely gate crashing a hotel’s private beach for some sun lounging.


Our next stop was Penang. Penang is famous for its street food- and it didn’t disapoint. Our first night we dined with locals and ate delicious local Chinese noodle dishes on a small plastic chairs right out on the street. 

The vibe in the Penang bars appeared to be a a lot of live music – which was cool for an hour or so, but when he started singing oasis I had to draw the line I’m afraid. Someone kill me please. He also refused to play my song request so I wasn’t his biggest fan. Back in the hostel, as I walked to brush my teeth in the shared bathroom, a fit black guy almost walked into me.  He shot me a moody look but didn’t say anything. He had incredible arms and shoulders, he was delicious. I wanted to eat him for desert. He was a beautiful colour. Perhaps I would see him the next day.

Day two we did some sight seeing, taking pictures of art work around the city and having a stab at trying to drive a two seater bike in boiling heat. It was hilarious – but I have to say that bikes are just not my thing. But jet skiing on the other hand might just be. It has to be one of the best experiences on my trip. We managed to jet ski at the Shangrila hotel, just by walking straight in and using their facilities. Gate crashing an expensive resort might just be my new favourite thing. I highly recommend the Shangrila’s swimming pool. Jet skiing is also fucking awesome! Especially when you hit a wave at speed and go flying up off your seat.    

Unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to chat to the hot black guy.  The last few days spent in Malaysia were with my cousin in Kulur Lumpur, eating my body weight in wonderful food and watching scary movies. Kulur Lumpur was not my favourite place I have to say but amazing to spend time catching up with my cousin and lounging by the pool.

Hong Kong was next up for four days. I had no expectations for Hong Kong at all before I arrived, but once I had got settled on the aiport bus into the centre, and could see all the impressively tall buildings lit up at night, I immediately loved it. Hong Kong is incredible. It feels huge. On the bus, the only white girl in the bus queue approached me and had heard I was getting off at the same stop as her. Turns out we were staying at the same hostel so we checked in together and ventured out for a drink in central. We went to an area called the elevators which is multiple stretches of elevators up hill with tons of restaurants and bars either side. We had a drink in one of the bars on the main busy bar street that was playing rnb and a fit black guy was working on the door. I knew then that Hong Kong was going to be extremely promising.

I hung out with some Germans on the second day and went to see a giant Buddha on a hill. I think I have seen enough buddhas to last a lifetime after this trip.  At night we went to the horse racing which is a weekly thing in Hong Kong but the Germans spoke entirely in German to each other the whole time leaving me out so the next day I ditched them and did my own thing.

Here comes the fun part. The Hong Kong pub crawl. Around 80 to 100 people from around 7 different hostels. I was feeling pretty knackered from a day of shopping for a winter jacket for Japan and walking around looking for the ultimate wanton noodle shop, (which was unreal) but found out about the pub crawl ten minutes before everyone was leaving and just thought fuck it, it beats hanging around with those rude Germans again. 

We were given wristbands that got us cheap drinks in every bar and I started with a giant margarita and a shot. I instantly made a new friend, Raul from Portugal who was absolutely georgous but a tad short and 100% Gay.  There are hot men everywhere you look in Hong Kong, and a massive expat community – lots of men in suits out for after work drinks. Raul said he was going to help me find a man tonight. We moved from bar to bar with a free shot at each place and getting more and more off our tits. It all started to get a bit blurry. Everyone started to get very friendly.  A few different men started to flirt with me. Amongst the contenders was a German, a Chinese guy and I vaguely remember chatting to a guy from New Zealeand. 

A few bars in, I chatted to a really cute black guy from San Francisco, who was not on the pub crawl. He was medium height, wears cute geek glasses and had nice arms and lush brown eyes. He is a lovely cappuccino colour.  In the night club we bumped into each other again, and now well and truly oiled we spoke momentarily, before kissing and practically eating each other’s faces off. A pub crawl can only equal very bad behaviour. Moments later I was rubbing his hard dick through his jeans. Drunk and horny, we discussed our options for a rendezvous. He was sharing a room with his friend, so I decided to sneak him into my hostel dorm room. My female only, 8 bed hostel dorm room. Yes, I was that drunk. I thought, you have to have drunken, unauthorised hostel sex at least one time when you’re travelling right? 

So we took an uber back and I took him up to my room. I opened the door quietly hoping everyone would be in bed and the lights off.  Unfortunately one of the girls from my room was up and about, so we had to wait in the corridor. When she got into bed I snook him in and gestured for him to climb the ladder to the top bunk, which was three high. Not sure this was my best idea, but pretty funny. I quietly pulled the curtain across us so no one could see and covered our legs with the duvet. I thought we had been quiet but were both absolutely steaming so I could have been very wrong. We started kissing as silently as possible and he unzipped my jeans, dipping his hand in my pants, stroking my clit until I was soaking and desperate. Turns out he was desperate too – to use the bathroom. The coast seemed clear so I pulled my jeans on and started to descend the ladder, as a girl beat us to it. God dammit. So I had to take him all the way to the reception floor and sneak him back in again. I wonder how many of my room mates were well aware that we had an unexpected guest, as we tried our best to move and not wake anyone. Back on the top bunk, my jeans were off within seconds and his fingers invaded my pussy, stroking me for ages. His dick was hard, thick and much bigger than expected as I massaged it in my hand. From time to time we heard noises from the other bunks and froze. I have to say that it felt extremely naughty and was hot as fuck. He climbed on top of me and though we tried to be discreet I do believe the entire frame of the bunk bed might have been shaking. Oopsy. I think we must have passed out, but I was woken up early the next morning for round two, with his large, hard dick poking me. Becoming aroused again I gave him a blow job before straddling him. His dick felt so good and I forgot we weren’t alone, unable to refrain from making noise, and at this point I didn’t care, as everything around me disappeared and I lost myself until I finally reached the happy spot. He came, not that long after me and I was suddenly aware that other people in the room were up. I miraculously managed to get him out of the room without being openly spotted but I’m pretty sure everyone heard us. When I woke later I had the worst hangover. My clothes were strewn all over the floor. No one said anything to me but I’m convinced they all heard.

Despite my major hangover I met up with my new Gay best friend and a group of us headed to the most famous look out point over Hong Kong. Unfortunately it was cloudy and visibility was pretty much fucking 0%. It was St Patrick’s day and I had arranged to meet some old flatmates from London so I had to power through the hangover.  Dinner was a feast of Chinese food with Pork buns and custard buns galore. The main bar area in central was absolutely rammed and after dinner we started to get lit in the rnb bar where I had met the fit black guy. He remembered me and plied us all with free shots. I recognised a tall guy from the bar crawl the previous evening, the guy from New Zealand. He joined us and we soon started doing jäger bombs. My bit of fluff from the night before kept messaging me to see where I was, and wanted to meet up. I was a bit torn because I got the impression the guy from New Zealand wanted a bit but ultimately I knew what I was getting with Mr SanFran. Once he met me it was defo three’s a crowd. The kiwi seemed a bit pissed off and promptly left, but so did we – but back to his this time. His friend was out so we had the whole place to ourselves. 

I was so drunk that whenever I closed my eyes the room was spinning. No amount of water seemed to help and I even had to go and throw up. So unnatractive. In the morning I woke up feeling much better and was extremely wet within seconds of him touching me. I think I made up for my lack of performance the night before, riding him like my life depended on it. His dick is literally amazing. I soon felt that familiar wave, and came quickly. His stamina was also pretty outstanding, as we continued to try various positions and he just kept going. Perhaps feeling more comfortable with me today, he soon began to massage my feet – with his mouth! Well not straight away, but started with his hands, very cautiously at first to gage my reaction. It felt kind of nice so I let him roll with it, but defo one of the least usual practises I have had performed on me. I think I can safely say he had a bit of a foot fetish as he even put a couple of my toes in his mouth.  After a few hours of play time we bid our goodbyes and I did the walk of shame, coatless, having left my coat in the night club. My brand new coat. And no time to get it before my flight. Oh well, You win some you lose some right!

Anyway. 

Farewell Hung Cock, Konnichiwa Japan!