My mr stocky is yet again an American Man. This time Washington DC. Seems to be a lot of Americans in Central America. Not that I’m complaining. Can I cover all the states by the time I finish my travels? Hmmm. We shall see. I spend the next evening with him at his studio, which he thankfully tidied and even cooked me dinner. Fuck me sideways. A man who cooks. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? We lie on the bed watching tv- I introduce him to uk comedian peter Kay but he needs the subtitles to understand him😂 . He lightly rubs my ass through my dress, and he discovers the sexy bondage panties I’m wearing. He’s suddenly less interested in Peter and more interested in pussy. Thank Christ. His hand swiftly travels underneath the material of my dress, eager to discover the mesh of my knickers, before wandering to stroke my clit from underneath. It’s seconds before he sticks his finger inside me and I’m wetter instantaneously. The knickers are off before you can say bobs your uncle and he’s on top of me in seconds. He wants to dominate me and I let him, as he takes me from behind deep and smacks my ass hard. He whispers in my ear that he really wants to do me in the ass. Steady on mate we just met. He’s pulling on my hair and he’s deep inside me. Fast and furious. Grabbing on my waist and digging for China there is no stone left unturned. I might have to call him Christopher Columbus from now on. He feels deep inside me and he cums hard.

The next day I leave for Tulum. Highlights of Tulum in this order:

• the best tacos of my life – at local taco shop Taqueira Honario

• Swimming in the fresh underwater caves at the gran cenote

• Tulum ruins

I’m only in Tulum one night and swiftly move to lagoon town Bacalar, meeting up with some of my girls from Playa. I’m struck down with tonsillitis and sadly have to miss the stand up sun rise paddle boarding. I did get to experience a Mexican hospital though, not quite as fun. You’d think being in Mexico you could get your hands on many drugs right, apparently antibiotics need a prescription. I’d probably have had better luck getting cocaine at the chemist. Thank god my Colombian friend was there to translate my issues. I’m supposed to move on to Belize but I feel horrendous so decide to go back to playa – opting for an air bnb and hoping to get nursed back to health by Mr DC.

I arrive and my air bnb is immense. I have a giant couch. My gentleman caller is quick to join me, despite the hangover he’s nursing. Not sure who is more in need of nursing but turns out I’m the one taking care. We are super cosy on the sofa watching movies and snuggling. I’m waiting for him to make a move. I have warned him about the tonsilitis and he must have being considering going down as he seems concerned he can can catch it from giving me oral. Many lols. Good one mate. Nice try. I spend some time googling for proof, like it may be the last opportunity to get head for a long time. For those of you who were unsure you can’t get tonsilitis from licking pussy. Deep kissing is probably not the way to go though. Such a shame. He tells me he gets on so well with me like he does his best friends as we spoon on the coach. That’s lovely. But I’d like to be fucked like it’s the last times.

Do me already.

As if he has suddenly developed psychic abilities, His hands start to wander between my thighs lightly tickling them. My clit is awake instantly warm and excited. His fingers creep closer to my thong and im almost holding my breath in anticipation. He is kissing my neck as he rubs me gently from above my underwear. I can’t wait for him to be inside. Sneaking inside my thong he flicks my clit until it’s completely wet. My hand is in his shorts, fishing for my welcome gift. He’s got a semi, and I massage his dick until he grows in my hand and he’s thrusting slightly with pleasure. Our clothes are off in a seconds and he practically rip my underwear off. A condom appears out of thin air. He is prepared. Still on my side he lifts my legs slightly and slides in. Sex from the side always seems like a very pleasant surprise even though you know it happening. Maybe it’s the way my vjj is shaped but it’s always a slightly more awkward initial entry. He slides inside me using my leg for leverage and I back into him hungry to feel all of his dick inside me. We switch it up and he does me from behind on all fours. This is such a wonderful sofa. I think to myself as I’m moaning louder and louder as he grips on tight again getting faster and harder. The sofa is nicely christened.

The bedroom soon follows the next morning when I wake him with my signature morning alarm clock – a gentle blow job, just until he’s super excited and raring to go. Sliding on top I think to myself that I wish I could stay in this wonderful king size bed forever. I’m so turned on from giving him head and I feel like I’m going to cum within minutes. I cum quickly and flips me over onto the edge of the bed pulling my legs towards him and entering deep until he cums too.

He cooks an amazing brunch of omlette and homemade pasta sauce with pasta, with the ingredients I’ve bought from the shop. I have to ask him where he’s come from. I want to keep him a little bit. And hide him away like he’s my little secret. Which I manage to do for a couple of days, venturing out of the flat only to use the rooftop pool or pop to the supermarket. After a couple of days, my grateful vagina is starting to get a little sore.

Or it would be – if any of the last few paragraphs about the sex were true.

I’m still I shock myself but the reality was far less exciting. I had to write an alternate reality just for myself. A reality where we has sex all weekend and that beautiful apartment wasn’t wasted. Sorry guys. He did cook for me and it was incredible. That was true. But I don’t know what happened. We spent the weekend snuggled up and I waited for him to make the moves. I even tried to initiate but to no avail. When do men turn down sex? I feel the chances of men turning down sex are probably lower than winning the lottery. It’s a great mystery of life that I will wonder about for a long time. We still got on well and spent all weekend intertwined and cosy kissing and cuddling and watching films. But when it came to sex it didn’t happen. And he seemed to be of the opinion that as I was travelling and it would make things more complicated. Many thoughts crossed my mind.

A. He’s an idiot.

B. Maybe he’s got crabs (he does keep scratching his balls) and he doesn’t want to pass them on.

C. He’s an idiot.

I’m not sure what happened but I leave Mexico extremely confused and frustrated. Have I lost my touch? Maybe the carribean Belizean island Caye Calker will help me find it again.

Please lord/universe if you are listening.

Send me strapping carribean men, food and rum.

Joanna.