On the road again. Most of my time on this trip so far has been spent either on a bus or on a toilet. Seriously – it’s not been the same since leaving the UK. But I’ll spare you the excruciating details. 

Travel tip: for a dodgy stomach drink your body weight in Coca Cola. My tour leader in Cambodia recommended it, one glance down the dinner table and you could see who was having issues in that department.

So I’ll pick this up from my sausage adventure with the tasty American. I did the walk of shame at 6am through the busy streets of Saigon in my sexy wrap dress, boobs out and make up smeared all over my face. A hot mess. We kissed goodbye amongst the market stalls near my hostel, somewhere between the veg and the fish sections – how romantic. Forward nine hours and we arrive at our hotel in Da Lat. My New BFF and I have decided to bunk together so took a twin room in our hotel, which resembles a bad American motel in the 50’s. To get hot water they had to turn it on from a different bedroom -wtf. 

Our tour leader on the stray bus is a Vietnamese guy who we suspect to be gay, but has become increasingly touchy feely with all the girls on the tour, and his permanent state is drunk and/or hungover.  His organisational skills are about as good as his sexist jokes about marriage and how your wife is your wifi. Yes, it’s not funny is it? It’s Vietnamese New Year in a day so hardly anythjng is open and he of course hadn’t booked a restaurant, so we wandered the streets searching for sustenance. Everything takes so long here, which doesn’t do anything for my lack of patience. 

The next day our tour leader hasn’t surfaced (still sleeping off a hangover) and despite telling us we wouldn’t be able to do any activities due to new year, we managed to find a motorbike tour that was running. This took us all around the countryside; stopping off at temples, waterfalls, a silk factory and a coffee factory where the coffee is made from weasel poo. I look at coffee in a totally different way now.  I think Rachel might have drank some accidentally that morning. Our tour guide explains how the local family make snake wine from Cobras’, which only the Vietnamese men drink, to make their wives happy all night. The Vietnamese viagra – I must pick some up, that might come in handy for the sexcapades. 

 

It finally hit me, whilst whizzing through the Vietnamese hills on the back of an easy rider bike. I feel completely free. I now understand why people travel indefinitely. I also am beginning to understand and actually believe that the pursuit of happiness isn’t about what’s in front of you but finding happiness inside. Ha that wasn’t meant to be an innuendo. I know it’s cheesy, and it might seem like common sense, but it was a wonderful feeling even if momentary. 

I feel content alone.

Well I was pretty much alone – my driver and I sat in silence as his English wasn’t good but you get the gist. I didn’t think I would be able to feel content by myself. Travelling is itself great therapy.

If my good mood has made you reach for the sick bucket, fear not as I was rudely pulled back to earth again the next morning on my way to grab breakfast. A crazy dog starts barking at me viciously and baring its teeth, on the opposite side of the road. I start to run and the dog chases me, attempting to cross the road to get me but the bikes and cars prevent it from crossing. I scream at the dog to go away. Obviously I’m an idiot – it’s a Vietnamese dog, it wouldn’t understand my English. I didn’t have time to get my rabies shots before I left so I was absolutely petrified. This dog had it out for me. Was this dog my ex boyfriend from a previous life?  Whilst I’m being chased up and down the street shouting for help, (again in English,) my companions leisurely stroll back with breakfast and later claim that they had walked past the same dog unharmed. Definitely my ex boyfriend then.

Our next stop was a beach town called Bai Xep and we pulled up to a hill overlooking what I can only describe as a shanty town.  Are we staying in this shit hole? But when we passed through the town onto the beach, we soon realised we had found a peice of paradise. Our incredible hostel was literally on the beach, run by an Australian, with amazing chilled out music, western food and great cocktails. This was what life was about. Not the food, but amazing views and falling asleep listening to the sounds of the waves crashing gently against the rocks. I will never forget it. I never wanted to leave.  


Two days later and we are in Hoi An, my favourite place in Vietnam so far. Beautiful, quaint, lanterns everywhere. The Venice of Vietnam.  Get your clothes made here, in under 24 hours if you are as lucky as us, to meet an eccentric, potentially gay, but 100 per cent fabulous, Vietnamese tailor. His lipstick was a lovely shade of red and so was the silk dress I had made for 30 dollars.

Rachel and I had decided to upgrade to a 4 star hotel with infinity pool that backed onto a river. As the sun set we got on the happy hour mojitos. There’s not many thing I like better than being a handed a cocktail whilst in a pool. Upgrades are always a good idea. We giggle and compare dating stories as night falls and the pool is lit up a comforting fluorescent mint green. 

Several mojitos, a few too many tequilas and a generous bowl of pho later, we head back to the hotel. Drunk and happy. Rachel cracked open the red wine from the mini bar as I run a bath. I love a bath with company. Rachel wanted me to prove my theory about wine glasses floating so we jumped in together. She smiles at me, scooping bubble bath foam in her hand and blows is it in my face. I splash her back and water invades the wine glass. Her nipples are large and could poke your eye out.  She has beautiful skin. I realise that it’s not just my chest that feels warm from the wine, I feel warm and tingly all over- I’m actually a little aroused. I think she might be too as she places her hand underneath the water and rests it on my leg. 

She looks mischievous as she leans closer to me and states that she is so horny. You and me both. We stare at each other for a couple of seconds and then I giggle and kiss her full on the lips, teasing her nipple in my hand. Her hand slips further up my leg and she strokes my clit lightly. I’m wet. We get out of the bath and head to the bed, still soapy. She lies on the bed still giggling and I touch her until she closes her eyes and moans. I’m so turned on. I kiss her stomach and run my lips further down to her pelvis, hesitating for a moment. She squeezes my hand – I know what she wants, so I lick her slowly until she makes a familiar orgasmic sound. Satisfied, she returns the favour, using her hands too until I reach my happy spot. 

That was hot. You are all a bit turned on right now right? I am, just writing it. Truth or fiction though? Perhaps I’ll leave you hanging on that one.