Sadly I’m still a sausage short of a hot dog. Or something like that. There are no black guys in Cambodia. I’ve seen plenty of those dreadlock traveller wankers though – I’ll pass thanks. I’m still hoping for some bratwurst but it’s looking unlikely now, we have only one more day left on the tour.

It’s only day ten of my travels and I’m already questioning whether I’m cut out for the traveling thing – I’m sick of pretty much every item of clothing I packed. I’m tired and sweaty and writing this on my bus having just crossed the Vietnam border on foot. The last few days have blurred into one and I have lost all sense of what day it is. 

My body has also betrayed me – as I’ve been suffering from a water infection since arriving – not ideal for sexploits. I was hoping this would clear up but the heat and the drinking through the antibiotics hasn’t helped – whoops. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself and as usual a tad overdramatic -“Please lord, don’t let me die in Cambodia.” Well I’m not dead yet so might as well update you on the last few days, whilst I’ve still got my last few breaths. 

Our hotel in Phnong Peng was a definite step down from Siem Reap so it’s probably going to be downhill from here. My room was on the 6th floor (no lift)and no hot water. At this point I deeply regretted packing five pairs of shoes, the whole of primark and the kitchen sink. I’m like the Yorkshire Mary Poppins without an umbrella to glide up the six flights. The city however, has an amazing and deeply moving history. You have to visit the killing fields which is where the mass killings took place during the Khmer Rouge genocide, and the prison where the people were kept and brutally tortured. I was feeling pretty unwell at this point so I could barely listen to our guide giving us the background on the bus and had to ask a fellow group member the reason why they wiped out  more than half their population.  But it was a really sad morning and one not to miss. 

That night we hit a rooftop bar and the German hinted he would come back to my room as I had managed to swing my own that night. Unfortunately as I was feeling unwell I went home early and woke up to a 4am message. A missed opportunity to try some German Sausage. He hasn’t been in a good way since then, as he picked up what we all believe to be pink eye when he went for a massage. This has gotten worse over the last few days and he is pretty much blind right now. So I don’t think he’s feeling too sexy. I still would. 

Travel tip: Never rub your eye into a towel in Asia whilst having a massage – Pink eye doesn’t appear to be very relaxing. 

We finally got to see a beautiful sunset (about time) in the next place we visited. A beach town called Sihanoukville where we enjoyed a great boat day trip to an island, got burnt to fuck in an attempt to get a tan, but was a wicked day, drinking beer and vodka and snorkelling (though not at the same time.) Our comic friend and eccentric Nathaniel continues to astound the group with his quirkiness- he spent an hour in a fishing shop but only five minutes of actual fishing and his best catch so far was a bag of nappies! He is literally the Canadian Napoleon Dynamite.

Our next stop, once in Vietnam, was a night in a local village homestay,  in small shacks made of bamboo and tin roofs. It was an incredible experience to see how the local vietnamese live – they don’t have much in their little shacks (some of them have tv though) and are very content. We didn’t particularly enjoy a rude awakening at 3.am by the rats on our hot tin roof, or the 4.30 am rooster chorus, but a trip to the floating market this morning was certainly a sight to behold.

Amongst the hundreds of boats selling fruit and vegetables they also have a floating coffee shop and delicious iced coffee, which they probably all need as they wake up at 4.30 am every day. Our guide Lily had a great sense of humour and was a real wind up merchant. It was hard to tell whether the stories she told us were fact or fiction. Apparently when they bury their families in watery graves, they dig up the bones and make them into a soup. That one was a joke – I hope.